California went to Hillary.
Ohio will matter.
This morning I wrote down all the reasons I won't support Hillary as the party nominee. Honestly, if it's Hillary versus McCain, I might end up voting Republican again. Here are my reasons for why I don't think Hillary is a worthy first female president (in no particular order).
1. When Bill publicly humiliated his wife with the most public affair (infidelity) on the most public stage with the most public and despicable of lies, Hillary set women back twenty years by forgiving him.
2. I take that back. She didn't forgive him. She "excused" him. She quickly accepted his terms for how to be married to Bill and moved on. Is that the example I want for my life, for my daughter's?
3. She didn't excuse him because they had some therapeutic, miraculous internal transformation in their marriage. She excused him for the basest of all reasons: naked ambition. Hillary's future as a potential candidate for president hinged on her staying near to the power that Bill offered her. She didn't (doesn't) trust herself to lead. She pretends to.
4. Hillary has been about maneuvering herself in such a way that she can claim the office of president using Bill's record as her own. Sure she's been a senator. How did she get there? Hillary brings to the table her years of sitting up late at night chatting with Bill about his day; that's essentially what it means to say that she's already been in the White House. She sees herself as having gained experience through Bill. In other words, she is running partly on his record.
5. Is that the idea of "first woman president" that I have always had? That the wife of the former president can scoot into position because her husband paved the way, made it easier for her somehow, abused their marriage and then does penance by supporting her White House ambition? For me, it's despicable.
6. What of her senate seat? Certainly it's real. Yet look at how much of it has been constructed to get her to this day - running for president. She wants to be perceived as the candidate in the middle... so who knows what she really believes?
In fact, that sums up my whole feeling about Hillary. I don't believe her.
I want a woman president who got there because she earned her way, she had the guts to stand for her dignity when humiliated and doesn't depend on her husband as a co-president for her credentials in office.
A woman running for president should "get there" without depending on a husband, without compromising what it means to be a strong individual. With Hillary, I get neither. She strikes me as ambivalent.
I'll be very disappointed if she gets the nomination. I don't think she can win. There are too many of us who have traditionally voted Republican who can't get over her. If the party doesn't realize that Obama drew us in and Hillary repels us, I think they are making a big mistake. McCain (though he drives me crazy) is a reasonable alternative for swing voters. I don't know if Hillary can beat him. I believe Obama can.