I wish I could collect all my thoughts and put them into a jar, shake it up and then pour them out in some kind of reconstituted fashion that would make sense to everyone who reads this blog, but even moreso to myself.
I was chuckling on the phone a moment ago with a friend. I realized that over the last several years I've been walking backwards into rooms. I had this experience first with religion... you know, I thought I was following my questions, taking them to God, expecting that the Holy Spirit would respond with some kind of message that was more than ambiguous, historically and socially constructed, and contigent, that there would be clarity and the lights would turn back on and all would be well again... a deeper and clearer sense of answer than I started with... I did all of this facing the world I love and know and didn't realize that in fact I was backing gracefully out of the place I came from.
My attention was focused on where I came from and not on where I was going when suddenly, Oh! I turned around and I'd missed the entrance and found myself in a new room. This room was the one I'd been warned never to enter for fear of hell and damnation (or at the least, lots of emails that asked me what in the h-e-double toothpicks I was doing with my faith!). But I got there reading the Bible and Christian theology of all things; go figure.
And now, I've pretty much set up shop in that room and it's got a great view. Lots of new and old furniture, and a wonderful library. :) It's just comfy and right for me at this point in time. So many more visitors than the old days.
And then deja vu, the same thing happened again, but this time more subtlely than I had expected since I wasn't on some kind of political bender or deconstruction of my political alliances. Heck, I voted for Bush after all.
Yet over the last few years since the election, I have lost all interest in right wing radio (my old staple), I find myself sympathizing with homosexual rights to the point of activism, I want us out of Iraq and our boys brought home, I am appalled at the race relations in our city, I want to conserve energy, I embrace changing language to include women, I don't trust multinational corporations... in short, I have lost touch with all of those things that made me rightwing.
I am not to the point of saying that I've moved irrevocably to the left. What I will say is that I've backed into yet another room and didn't mean to! I have been through an intensive program of getting behind the eyes of the "other." My postmodern journey deepens each month. That journey has changed me. I hope to share how over the next days and weeks.
I get it Dave B and Bilbo. :) I get where you've been coming from for the last six years.
4 comments:
Oh, that last line really got me! I wasn't expecting that! :o)
What's interesting for me now is that I am getting more opportunities to share perspectives that are "challenging to the status quo" at work on account of not only my new position, but also the TV programs I've done, increased traffic to my blog by co-workers who've discovered it (I generally don't publicize but I'm fine with people reading it if they stumble upon...) and a general sense that "Dave is a leftie but that's OK" that a lot of my professional colleagues have settled into. Yesterday I had a great conversation with a male co-worker who was raised as a staunch, unquestioning Republican who was amazed back in 2004 to discover that there are Christians who would have been open to voting for John Kerry. At first he challenged my thinking, but now it's like he comes to me to get help in processing what he's hearing from the left and I can just see that he's reshuffling his basic deck of presumptions about a lot of issues.
Sorry to go on so much about myself! Your entry was a delightful bit of self-disclosure and as I'm sure you know, I always enjoy these little peeks into how your mind integrates new information.
I share your slight resistance to simply identifying as a "leftie" but at the same time, I realize that this is pretty much where I fit. I just want to be the exception to some of the rules that the left and others have imposed. Not be all strident and teeth-grinding about it. Retain a sense of humor and a compassionate understanding that people are going to believe what works best for them and that any browbeating that I might want to inflict will not do the larger cause any good. I'm just waiting for a lot of my more vocal counterparts on the right to learn that same lesson!
Julie...that image of backing into a room is so apt.
I think I've even stopped trying to go forward into rooms. I just keep moving and enjoy the rooms along the way.
Looking forward to hearing more...
Ampersand
Hi Julie,
I think you are making alot of sense. I too am probably more left leaning than I am right, but I still prefer to think of myself as a Christian Anarchist, that is, one who makes no allegiance to political parties. Don't mean to imply that one should not take stands or be active in the political process but do believe one should be careful to not allow oneself to get caught up in the web of the idealogues that is ready and waiting to snare anyone who is not careful. It's tough to not want to make allegiances with the powers that be but do believe one is more likely to be true to oneself if one is not so closely aligned with the politically power brokers of the left or the right....Sorry for the rambling....It's been a long day...I too liked the reference to "backing into another room". Shows you are "actively thinking" and considering the options set before you which is the best approach in my book...Look forward to more sharing....
Thanks Julie for this post. What a great image.
BTW, I'm liking what I read on your site. I didn't get too involved in the discussions on Scot McKnight's site about homosexuality but I appreciated reading your perspectives there.
I've been emerging from the right wing of the church and society for sometime but find I can't completely embrace the left either. Balance and ambiguity have become my mantra: balancing the best of both worlds and becoming comfortable with a lack of precision.
Difficult to do especially when as a pastor you are expected to have all the answers (and the "right" (double entendre intended) one's at that!)
Blessings to you in your journey.
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