I hate water seeping through the basement floors so that I have to bail it multiple times a day when it rains.
I hate it that the dog won't pee outside at night in the rain.
I hate it that I'm the one who is neurotic about said dog and so I actually get up at 4 a.m., chase him downstairs and then stand in the rain tossing him off the deck so that he will go under the deck and PEE (which took four tries last night).
I hate that I have yet to eradicate the smell of pee in my living room and art room, my favorite lime green room in the house where my theology, art and Laura Ingalls Wilder books are all housed.
I hate that the week we have off from school, it is raining.
I hate the rain.
I hate that I hate the rain since I used to love, love, love it.
I hate the fact that spirituality is so nebulous and that faith is riddled with superstition.
I hate that when you call something in the faith 'superstitious' people get their backs up and try to prove to you that what they believe isn't superstitious.
I hate that Christianity is so hard to figure out, yet has a hold over me at the same time.
I hate that attempts to reconstruct Christianity are met with resistance and complexity that makes the ideas non-transferable.
I hate that holidays like Easter and Christmas are supposed to be meaningful only to those of the "born-again" literal variety of faith so that if a person celebrates them without that version of the story, that person is seen as a hypocrite, or worse, 'not saved'.
I hate being the impotent mother of teens with angst.
I hate regrets.
I hate it that I can't apologize to someone whose life I deeply hurt and who never wants to hear from me again.
I hate being cyber stalked. (You know who you are.)
I hate shopping.
I hate untimely death.
I hate not having a best friend in town.
I hate being so far from the ocean.
I hate caring so much about stuff.
I hate nostalgia and home videos and photographs and idealism and war and missions and the fact that some people worry about the state of my soul.
I love my family... especially Jon.