tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post1847675751395041776..comments2023-10-16T06:10:24.969-04:00Comments on Julie Unplugged: Eat, Pray, Love, Cover Your EarsAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00088119765077193302noreply@blogger.comBlogger14125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-33042401261564884412010-10-07T04:30:20.370-04:002010-10-07T04:30:20.370-04:00I was looking for Advise on breaking up and found ...I was looking for Advise on breaking up and found this great site www.saveabreakup.com I gotta admit its great and it worked for me and helped me a lot.Unknownhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/01169883740673185893noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-75438437376123349922010-08-23T21:48:23.203-04:002010-08-23T21:48:23.203-04:00I was always one of those moms who just assumed he...I was always one of those moms who just assumed her husband would do a much better job of speaking. What's up with that? He was never even home! I wised up this year and took the plunge and I'm so glad I did! <br /><br />Great insights and comments about the movie. I liked it but enjoyed the book SO much more.debbiephttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10788568149615085892noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-12351080153091415672010-08-23T21:38:59.424-04:002010-08-23T21:38:59.424-04:00Julie, your inference that men need to defer more ...Julie, your inference that men need to defer more often and women need to be willing to take more risks is a good suggestion. I just hope more men and women in the future are willing to break away from the old patterns of the past.Bilbohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12904580918080106725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-33081093370340963472010-08-23T19:51:12.258-04:002010-08-23T19:51:12.258-04:00Bill, you bring up the right points. I do believe ...Bill, you bring up the right points. I do believe that men have been socialized into that role and women don't discourage them in most cases.<br /><br />I went to a homeschool graduation where the couples (both parents) would accompany their child to the platform and then they were to say a few words about their kids. Remember: these are parents where the dad works and the mom homeschools. In the majority of cases, the mothers gave up the chance to speak publicly about their kids, expecting the dads to pick up the slack. There seemed to be no sense that a man could just say, "I don't like speaking" whereas mother after mother did report that feeling.<br /><br />Historically speaking, men have been in the seat of power and women have delegated to them their own. It may take a few centuries to right the ship. ;-)<br /><br />Jo(e)—excellent summary! I love how you contrasted the book and movie and think you are right: she did spend the better part of a year without looking for love in the book. Yes. That is not what is felt in the movie. And I too couldn't stand the movie Felipe. I missed the moment where he asks her if they should have an affair and she turns him down! That was HUGE in the book. Missing in the movie.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00088119765077193302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-26701691154631235352010-08-23T19:33:36.429-04:002010-08-23T19:33:36.429-04:00Hi Julie, I appreciate you going out on a bit of a...Hi Julie, I appreciate you going out on a bit of a limb to post this. On my end I am not sure "how" to weigh in or add to anything you have said out of a bit of fear, to be honest, that I might be attempting to dispense any kind of advice...and...thus reinforce the "dominant" male voice which you have brought to attention with this post...<br /><br />So, here are just a couple of raw gut feelings and thoughts. Yes, men can and are often overly dominant is many of the ways you describe here. Personally, I struggle with giving "unsolicited" advise, but I think that has less to do with being a male and more to do with being thrust into a caretaker role when my father died when I was only twelve and I was told by other family members that I am now the "head of the house".<br /><br />I suspect alot of other men are dominant in their relationships with women, especially if they are older, because they were socialized to be so, on so many different fronts. I know I was taught that women needed to be taken care of and I was the head of the home...And, it didn't help that most if not all the women in my life were happy to oblige with this particular arrangment. I'm not trying to make excuses but point out that there are many powerful social forces at work here.<br /><br />In the end, I concede that what you have said is more often than not true, but ask where do we go from here. Yes, women need to speak up and let their voice be heard but I think they also need to do so in a way that men won't feel like they are being brow beaten. I mention this because when I was married, I "often" felt by my ex-wife, and the various churches I attended, that I was never living up to what I now consider to be an "unrealistic" standard...and...to be blunt, I grew tired of being told by various quarters that I needed to do better....Just telling it how I feel from one man's perspective.Bilbohttps://www.blogger.com/profile/12904580918080106725noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-72851384180029912812010-08-23T18:42:35.188-04:002010-08-23T18:42:35.188-04:00Great post! I've been driving my friends crazy...Great post! I've been driving my friends crazy because I want to talk about the book and movie. I loved the book and hated the movie.<br /><br />The book, I thought, was a spiritual journey, a movement towards wholeness. She figured out that tended to melt into/fuse with/subjugate herself to men, and she wanted to take time and be celibate and figure out who she was. And she did that. She CHOSE to be alone when she was in Italy and India. Her focus was on her spiritual and emotional wholeness. And only after she figured out her own stuff did she get involved in another relationship, one very different than previous relationships.<br /><br />But the movie -- eh. Seemed like another Hollywood movie about the broken-hearted woman who went to Italy and felt sad that she didn't have a man and eventually went to Bali and got a man and sailed off into the sunset. I mean, I can't see that she learned much of anything.<br /><br />I loved Richard from Texas in the book because it seemed like they had a reciprocal, healthy friendship. But in the movie -- it was like he was just dispensing advice to her. I hated the movie version of Felipe. Where was the gentle, balding, older man who brought up the idea of a relationship by wanting to talk things over together so that it would be a mutual relationship? The movie Felipe was such a jerk!jo(e)https://www.blogger.com/profile/01488562158252331555noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-52763946356159362202010-08-23T11:42:26.900-04:002010-08-23T11:42:26.900-04:00Tia, the book is much gentler in this conclusion a...Tia, the book is much gentler in this conclusion and more self-effacing than the movie (I remember Liz even feeling a little disappointed in herself for having a fairy tale ending to her year of self-exporation - worried about what it would symbolize). That aspect of her thinking was missing in the movie. So yes, you and I agree in those essentials.<br /><br />And now doubt sex would be a huge factor in the emotion (all the more reason for them to go slowly in commitment, which in life, they did!).Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00088119765077193302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-41371830209888618772010-08-23T11:37:00.901-04:002010-08-23T11:37:00.901-04:00I agree there was no reason he needed to do that. ...I agree there was no reason he needed to do that. I think it was wrong of him. But I her pattern of behavior shows it's what she really wanted (which is evidenced by her calm "peace" afterward). Ideals aside (because you know I agree with your ideals), I think that's where she was in her journey. She'd made progress in being able to assert herself away from her husband and feeling smothered. But to go further than that was evidently too much. <br /><br />I wonder also how much a year of celibacy plus the great sex they had influenced her sway.RedGypsiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815665930331083845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-37497025686193783032010-08-23T11:11:04.636-04:002010-08-23T11:11:04.636-04:00Wow Ed! That's telling!
I read in one of the ...Wow Ed! That's telling!<br /><br />I read in one of the reviews (A. O Scott NYTimes no less) who said it was refreshing to see a film about something more than a woman wanting a man. Weirdly, I didn't even feel that by the end! It seemed to still focus endlesslly on the quest for a relationship.<br /><br />Moreover, Scott said that movies about men are about men pursuing whatever they can imagine. Most movies featuring female leads are about finding the man they imagine. Sigh.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00088119765077193302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-72303462253873030222010-08-23T11:08:40.747-04:002010-08-23T11:08:40.747-04:00I once read a piece that outlined The Female-Frien...I once read a piece that outlined <b>The Female-Friendly Movie Rule:</b> <br /><br />It has to have at least two female characters... who talk to each other... about something besides a man. <br /><br />Was shocked at how few movies could even stand up to this minimal standard. Perhaps, as your post suggests, art mimics life far too often.Ed G.https://www.blogger.com/profile/08870533414070848501noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-86482309301213074212010-08-23T11:07:01.069-04:002010-08-23T11:07:01.069-04:00Carol! ME too. :)
Margaret, thanks.
Tia, I want ...Carol! ME too. :)<br /><br />Margaret, thanks.<br /><br />Tia, I want to push back on this. There was no reason for Felipe to raise his voice. There was no reason for him to assert that her experience was the same as his. There was no reason for him to tell her to go with him when she was panicking. If anything, their relationship was still in the very early stages (she says in the book 6 weeks!) and he was already talking about **making a life** together.<br /><br />She's allowed to retreat, withdraw, make mistakes, run away in fear. She may need to do all of those to discover herself apart from someone *telling* her what she should be feeling/doing to grow. And really, this is what bothered me most. Why did she need men to validate her voice? That need to be the "gal among guys" could be part of the syndrome - women assign authority to men and get some for themselves by being one of them.<br /><br />In any case, I think "validation" is not what we should seek from men (I picture a rubber stamp). We may simply need companionship, space and support. To me, that's better. it allows room for error and difference.<br /><br />Just a few of the thoughts you triggered in me.<br /><br />I can't remove gender as easily because it seems to influence so much of what we do think about one another.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00088119765077193302noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-37071681586781794262010-08-23T10:38:54.854-04:002010-08-23T10:38:54.854-04:00I get what you're saying. I had a different ta...I get what you're saying. I had a different take on the scene with Phillipe though. I agree with the progression of male voices: she needs it. She hasn't made the journey to her own voice (she came close with the healer woman I think). On the beach, she's floundering, panicking. I think all she wanted was reassurance that Phillipe would be both to her: someone who would give her space to explore, not putting social rules on her AND be someone strong and masculine who would over her a margin line. <br /><br />It would have been a massive shift in how she did things to walk away from Phillipe and probably unproductive to her journey. She wants the best of both worlds, both genders. Liz seems to me to be the kind of woman most comfortable being the girl with a lot of guy friends, the gem. In a group of women, she seems lost, not herself, not able to shine and compete. <br />I like the story much more when I remember how important men are to her. She was searching for the kind of men who validated her voice. When I try to view it as her big journey to her inner wisdom, it fizzles. <br /><br />It's also easier for me to remove the genders all together and just think of them as humans. She was around overbearing humans. She went and found more respectful humans. She found a way to breathe and be and still be engaged with a tribe. That's my take-away.RedGypsiehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/05815665930331083845noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-57937292325339541032010-08-23T10:09:54.243-04:002010-08-23T10:09:54.243-04:00Amen and amen. Thank you for posting this! I love ...Amen and amen. Thank you for posting this! I love this.margaretmhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06341124658258819638noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-9684236.post-83493230174552788792010-08-23T09:15:55.142-04:002010-08-23T09:15:55.142-04:00I really want to see this movie, and I really want...I really want to see this movie, and I really wanted to see it with YOU! I would have loved this sort of face-to-face dialogue about it!!!!! Thanks for your thoughts. My mind flashed back to my mom who would quietly listen to my brothers talk at to her, but would not let me even dialogue with her about things. Sigh. I think many moms enable this sort of behavior in their sons.Carol Ann Weaverhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13676125721105006155noreply@blogger.com